her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
