wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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