if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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