Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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