he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
