did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
