Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
