they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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