I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
