Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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