I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
