what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
