It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
