woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
