It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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