My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
