Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
