I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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