So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
