You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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