Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
