His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
