I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
