i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
