I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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