mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
