Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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