i think i have herpe
just one?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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