I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
