Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
