I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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