I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
