I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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