I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
