my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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