Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
