Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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