I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
A bitchslap is in order.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
