You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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