there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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