No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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