I'm so fucking centered right now
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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