My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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