does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
