im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
