wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
