I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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