They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
