Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
