This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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