my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
