Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
