you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
