I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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