butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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