Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
