that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
