I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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