5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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