Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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