is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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