Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
