I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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