I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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