Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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