We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Maybe he injected his testicle?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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