i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
