Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
