It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
