i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
