I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Two words: blizzard sex
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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