ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
