come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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