hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
