she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
