Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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