yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
