Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
