If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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