guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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