i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw a hot homeless man
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
