You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
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i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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