yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
