The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
