I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's the barista slut.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
