So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
