hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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