New low: just hacked my moms facebook
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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