Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
zippers are such a cool invention
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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